I think that book resonated with me so much because I am a lot like Meg – even today. I am stubborn and impatient. Yet – maybe – like Meg, those are my strengths.  I just have to learn how to use them to be an advantage; not a disadvantage. See I am learning things already.

So I spent this afternoon traveling to the libraries, 3 in all, to find my next set of books. Instead of reading 5 a week, I am going to try to shoot for 10 a week. Again, knowing that my pace my change – it really is more of see how it goes. 

I am very sensitive about people, mostly my family, who may question why I am doing this. I guess it boils down to one main reason – I want to.  David has really been supportive and for that I am greatful. He hasn’t rolled his eyes when I told him I need to go to the library and he even takes books back for me.  He believes in me and he believes I should stick with it. I think he’s happy I have found something to peak my interest. He knows that for so long – I have been lost and struggling to find something to occupy my time.

So with his support – I shall continue on. So the next 10 books:

1.  Lavender’s Blue

2.  The Story of Babar

3.  Stellaluna

4.  Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland

5.  The Chocolate War

6.  The Little Engine That Could

7.  Curious George

8.  The Little Mermaid

9.  Treasure Island

10.  Naughts and Crosses

When I saw this book – It presented me with an intriguing challenge. 1001 Children’s Books You Must Read Before You Grow  Up. Hmm.  Children’s books I must read before I grow up. Interesting. I told David I wanted it and, in his usual way when I tell him I want something he thinks is completely ridiculous, he says “Yeah?”

So, defeated – I put the book back and proceed about my life.

Cut forward to September 2009 – I sign-up to be a volunteer for this program I found – In2Books – where I will be an “ePen-Pal” to a student and we will read a book that the student selects and then we will correspond through ”email” about the book. This is all done through the In2Books website so it’s safe for the student. So I am assigned my 4 grade student and she begins to pick these books that are incredibly cute and make me remember how much I loved reading picture books and chapter books when I was a kid. 

The most recent book - ”The Gingerbread Boy” – I wasn’t too excited to go out and read. After all, everyone knows the GingerBread Boy story. So reluctantly, I ordered it from Amazon and waited for it to arrive. Once it did – I read it and laughed out loud at the end. Not because it was funny but because I HAD forgotten how bleak the story ends. *SPOILER ALERT* He gets eaten!!!!! 

What a book for a child to read! Really the story  is basically telling them – “You disobey and act naughty – you DIE!” Wow! How did I miss this as kid?!

So then I started thinking – what other of my favorite children’s books have I overlooked or “missed”? Then my mind came back to the 1001 Children’s Books You Must Read Before you Die.  I needed to get this book – and I need to read these stories.

So with the book officially the property of Monica Bukowski : I decide that I am going to read every book listed in this mammoth. I need to re-discover these books. I need to read what I missed as a kid and hopefully now – appreciate as an adult – so that when I do have children I make sure I give them access to the greatest books of childhood.

So for now – I’ll start with 5 books a week.  However – I know to finish this, realistically, I need to substantially increase the number of books I read a week. Keep in mind though – these are not all picture books – Harry Potter books are in here…..Yikes – those books are about as thick as the 1001 book itself. However – it won’t be easy some of these books I haven’t been able to find – in fact many of them are not at the local library and even others are other language books – so I am not sure how I am going to accomplish this.  But it will be an adventure for sure. As such, it will be ever changing – speed will vary as time, books and life changes.  So theres no “self imposed deadline”. No rush. Just me reading the books and remembering and re-discovering them as well as my own youth.

Perhaps maybe I’ll learn a few things along the way that I have forgotten.

So the first 5:

1. Kipper by Mick Inkpen

2. Corduroy by Don Freeman

3. The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein

4. Queen of the Caribbean by Emilio Salgari (completely in Spanish)

5. A Wrinkle in Time by Madalene L’Engle.

My father had just died then and it seemed as if I needed that place more than ever before. But things were changing all around me- there became a sudden division in the church. Old traditions were not wanting to give way to new ideals.  Everyone’s opinion about the direction of the church were the right opinion and any who disagreed were wrong. Until one day- t blew up. Friendships were ruined, feelings hurt, a church tarnished, a young girl lost her home.

I met my best friends at that place – and now I never see or talk to any of them. I met my first love there and let him go there. It was my place, my church, my whole life.  Everything about that rickety old building holds some memory for me. When I was young – I always thought it would be the church I got married in.  It was the church I said goodbye to my daddy in.

Being back – even for that brief hour – brought back the hurt and the longing. As hard as I have tried to ignore it, the truth is I do miss that place. I miss my friends, I miss the youth program, I miss VBS,  I miss the belief in innocence.

It was there in that pew at the funeral that I realized something – the church, as an entity, is an amazing thing. So many times we are told that a church is not in a building. We shouldn’t go to church FOR us we should go to church for God.  But that’s what was missing in at my old church. Everyone went there FOR themselves.

I haven’t really gone to church since I left “home”. No place seems to fit. Rather – I don’t fit. I am afraid to lose it again.  My church is my home – me and God get together there. Perhaps I’m lying to myself but every church I have tried since I left feels the same – and I am the one who has become tarnished.

I told my husband after the fact that going back, for me,  was something of “prodigal child” syndrome.  You go back and it fits….it makes sense to you……but it isn’t you anymore. You’ve seen the world now- you know that evil exists and just because you want it to be like it was – doesn’t mean it is.

Maybe a better way to say it is this - you love going back for Christmas but you certainly can’t and don’t want to stay until New Year’s.

I have to accept that times change, people change, and with that churches change. Although it felt good to come home – it is’t my home anymore.

I have the memories and the good times and the bad. Perhaps one day I’ll find another place to call home.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am NOT against the Mormon’s having a temple. I am not even against Mormon’s, period. Every person has the right to practice whatever faith, religion, etc they want. What I am against is a temple, who the Mormon’s say will benefit the community when the majority of that community cannot even go in to the temple and a temple where a BEAUTIFUL church already exists. If you have ever been to the Mesa Mormon Temple (and I have) it is not located directly in the heart of a neighborhood on a two lane road. What will this do to traffic? Oh sure, the LDS provided it’s own traffic study. What happened to third party surveyors? The city council didn’t want to hear it.

I am not a “bible-thumping Christian” as they say. I haven’t attended church in some time. Yet,  I don’t think that’s what God is concerned about. I don’t think he needs a 12 story building with a spire brightly lit proclaiming his glory. In fact, I think he cares more about our daily lives and how we live those lives. Just because you may go to a run down, 1 room church building, does that make you any less important in the eyes of God than the person who attends a church that’s 12 stories? I really don’t think it does.

It’s sad to think that the people who were voted into their offices by the neighbors of that community show absolutely no concern for the wishes of those citizens. “A church can basically be built anywhere” they say.  If that’s the case, why waste the time with having zoning laws? I have to wonder though, if the same council would have approved a 12 story Southern Baptist Church or an Assembly of God Church? I can’t know for sure, but I’d like to think I have an idea.

In time, the temple will be built and we’ll see how it benefits or hurts the neighborhood.  I hope those who will benefit from this temple realize what a wonderful thing they have been granted and I also hope that they know- it’s not the size of your building but the belief in the Father that will ultimately matter.

April 2009:

In April, David and I took a vacation to New York. What an awesome time we had!!! I fell in LOVE with that city and cannot wait to go back again. Who would have thought I would have loved New York City? Definately not me.  We went to the Met,  Ellis Island, Central Park, walked the Brooklyn Bridge and  saw a Broadway Show (The Little Mermaid, of course!)  We also got to witness the faux Air Force 1 and the fighter jet fly over really low. It was a little unnerving. Yet – quite hilarious that someone is that stupid and thought it was a good idea.

May 2009:

This month work began on Mom’s new house. It was decided that Mom was going to buy a bigger house with a large lot to build a guest house so that my Grandma could live with but not with my mom.  So we begin the renovation process at Mom’s while plans for the guest house are still stuck in red tape.

June 2009:

Kind of a slow month.  I had to pitch in and cover the front desk at work for a few weeks.  I didn’t mind it. It certainly was different than my “day job” but the patient contact was nice. David and I argued over what “Home Improvement” project we should tackle this month – so we settle on window dressings. Woo hoo! Curtains! (Notice the sarcasm here)

July 2009:

The most important part of July - turning 25!!  I don’t know why that’s is so important. It came and went like any other day.  Cindy also closed on her new home this month so the renovations on that began as well.  It’s a cute little home. And it has a pool. Bonus!

August 2009:

Birthday Celebrations for David and me at Buca Da Beppo. Not as exciting as my 21st birthday – but just as important. Had a limoncello martini for the 1st time and it was delicious! We also found out that David’s sister is pregnant.  I still don’t think David knows how to feel about that.

Also took Danielle and a friend to the GREEN DAY SHOW!! I freakin LOVE Green Day and thought it kicked ass that I could have suite tickets. I was nervous about taking my teenage neice to a “Rock” show – but I know they had a good time and it was worth it!

September 2009:

David’s Birthday Trip to California.  For David’s birthday, I found a Kustom Kulture Car Show in California and decided we would go there.  So we left bright and early at 6am and headed to Ventura making a stop in Pasadena and Camarillo (OUTLET MALL SHOPPING!!!) along the way. Then drive down to Santa Monica, and Long Beach and spend the rest of the time around the Disney area. We, unfortunately, didn’t have enough time to go to Disneyland or California Adventure s0 we settled for Downtown Disney where we had a nice romantic dinner at Catal and watched Fireworks. Almost as good as spending the day in Disneyland.

Almost. 

Also this month – Grandma was diagnosed with Colon Cancer.  Cancer rears its head again in this family.  Then just after this diagnosis my mother comes down ill. They find a spot on her lung and need her to go have a biopsy. After the biopsy – her lung collapses. Of course it does. But all works out for the best when it’s determined Mom does NOT have lung cancer but rather Valley Fever.  Valley Fever 1 Cancer 0. 

October:

Mom FINALLY moves in to her new home. Since Grandma’s house is STILL stuck in red tape -it’s decided that Grandma will move in with mom since the home is more than large enough.  So the work begins with a quickness to pack up Grandma’s home. We find all sorts of odd and bizzare things and decide we’re going to sell what we don’t want on Ebay.  So that’s my new project once the essentials are taken of with the move.  Grandma seemed excited to move – but now that she’s there with the billion dogs we all have-  we’ll see how well that lasts.

Grandma also decides to proceed with her cancer surgery. So the big day was October 20th.  At 89, Grandma is by no means an ideal candidate. The blockage was removed and it was decided to not proceed with Chemo or radiation. Since the doctors say colon cancer is a slow moving cancer – we’ll see where it goes.

November:

Grandma is still weak from her surgery but I guess that’s to be expected. I try to visit her at least every other day; and to let my mom have a break from being a home health nurse.  Oh I am patiently waiting for Black Friday when I can wake up bright and early and shop till I drop!

So that has been the last 6 months. No disasters, no loss of jobs (THANK GOD!), no new cars, no new babies(and not for YEARS!)

I think I am liking this life I have settled down into. Yea – it’s been good.

He tells me that he has purchased me a gift and he’d like to deliever it since he’s in the area. I ask him if it is going to embarass me and he tells me no -but that there might be screaming involved. Okay – Screaming at a medical clinic = not good.  I insist that he do not deliever the present but he really wants to. I agree, on the promise that said gift will not embarrass me.

He finally comes upstairs to my office and pokes his head around the corner. At that moment- he looked like a sheepish little boy who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar – minutes before dinner.

He then hands me this gigantic brown shiny bag with a pink shiny box sticking out of the top of the bag. At first – I thought – OH NO – he brought me something from Victoria’s Secret to my work!?!?! However, upon closer inspection – and before I have a melt-down about being embarrassed by a Victoria Secret box – I notice that the bag does NOT say Victoria Secret.  But that it says:

Wait for it….

COACH

Now because I cannot scream – like I said not good – I believe my mouth dropped straight down – my chin “thud” right on my desk.

I of course immediately begin to open my big pink box and undo the ribbons.  As I lift up the top, there’s pretty white Coach tissue paper sealed with a silver Coach sticker – when I FINALLY get the tissue paper off – I pull out the most beautiful black leather purse I have ever seen!

Once I revel in the delight of my new purse – I notice there is a smaller box in the bag. Upon opening of that box – I pull out an equally beautiful Coach Wallet.

I love to relive that moment – mostly because I never in a million years thought I would ever own a REAL Coach wallet – much less a Real Coach handbag.  When I asked why he did this – he simply shrugged and said – You’ve always wanted one – and I wanted to get one for you.

Words cannot express how much I love this present – Not just because it’s Coach – although that helps – but also because David went out of his way AND comfort zone to purchase these, but mostly because he used the money that he was going to spend on a new Stereo for his Truck – he’s been without a Stereo for a good 3 years now – to  get this for me.

He is absolutely the most selfless person that I have ever met. He is going without tunes in his truck to buy me something I wanted but certainly didn’t need.

I guess now – I’ll have to surprise him with a car stereo – or something equally impressive.

It seems funny to think that as technology has changed throughout my 24 years- my favorite hobby still to this day is to simply open up a good book and get lost among its characters.

Recently – I have picked up my copy of Twilight and have re-read it. For 3 reasons mainly.

1- I saw Robert Pattinson on the Academy Awards and thought I need to see if he really was a good Edward and of course if the movie was as good as the book (They never are)

2- Reading keeps me from doing something that would be better for David to do.  Like Laundry

3- My nephew is on the same team as the son of the author of these books. Yes I know who she is – but everyone deserves some ounce of privacy. BUT in case I do have an opportunity to see/talk/chat/cheer with her – I have to make sure I am up on her work.

I enjoy a good vampire book. Salem’s Lot, Dracula (although, sadly,  I picture Keanu Reeves when I read it and really that makes it significantly less enjoyable), The Historian, the Interview with a Vampire. All quality vampire books. 

I have attempted numerous times, and failed to get David to pick up a Vampire book – after all he likes the Underworld movies.  However, nothing.  The only thing he’d read would be his Truckin’ Magazine. Now a magazine is fine reading – but not consistently.

However – he recently did pick up a book.  On his own. I didn’t even have to force it on him.  He read Save Me from Myself by Brian “Head” Welch.  If you don’t know who he is – read his book. David would read snippets to me and I would be absolutely amazed at some of the things David was reading.  I recommend the book if you like Non-Fiction work or memiors.

I felt a little bit like a proud mom when David would turn off the TV and lie in bed reading. 

Hopefully – our reading trend in the Bukowski household will continue.

While I was planning my wedding celebration – my mom would tell me – don’t get caught up in the wedding. The wedding lasts a day – a marriage should last a lifetime. Maybe that’s why so many marriages today fail – they’re focused on the wrong thing. The wedding is more important than the marriage.

My marriage is in no way perfect.  It is sometimes selfish, controlling, greedy, and painful. However, my marriage is also giving, growing, sharing, and wonderful.

I promised myself before I got married that I would always remember to laugh at least once a day with my husband.  David and I laugh all the time. We have little inside jokes, stories, and games that we play with each other. Our favorite game recently is the “One Billion Dollar Check” game. David and I talk about what we would do that day when our 1 Billion Dollar check arrives in the mail.

It’s very fun to dream with my husband about what we would do with that money – but we’re also very down to earth about the here and now. We realize that no Billion dollar check is going to magically appear in our mailbox and that we can dream about that all we want but really it’s about what we have today.

Even though times are rough sometimes – I wouldn’t trade my life with David for anything. Someway, somehow  – we always get through it.

Have a wonderful Valentine’s Day!

I now understand the appeal of football – it makes a HUGE difference now that I actually have a home town team to root for. A quarterback with a great story who seems like a geninuely nice guy – not a thug.

The boy and I went to my boss’ superbowl party – What a great time!!  She made penalty flags that her dad threw out a few times and the dogs would howl their frustrations at the tv as well. Yes, we even had a few Steelers fans in our midst. It was when we came back to take the lead that it REALLY got loud- and I thought – this is what great football and great moments do. They bring the best out of people.

I wasn’t around when the 1980 Hockey team beat the Soviets in the Olympics but I remember my dad telling me the story of that game – made even more real by the Movie. The experience of seeing the home town team in SuperBowl XLIII was quite moving – even if the Cardinals beat their own “Russians”. I imagine what I felt after the final second ticked away was very similar to what my dad felt when the final buzzer rang in the 1980 Miracle on Ice game.  So what if we didn’t get the trophy?

I am so proud of my hometown team.  Yes, I am bandwagon fan- but deal with it!